How the stain got in the royal carpet
[Or the Flea and the Elephant: a Fable]
And that is how the stain came to be in the royal red carpet. It happened so long ago that no one remembers but the elephant; and he has the most reason to remember.
THE END
Once upon a time there was a common flea (Pulex irritans). This flea was no more and no less ordinary than any other flea for that matter but you could not convince him of it. For you see this flea had traveled to Rome to witness the coronation of the king after having accepted a formal invitation by stowing away in the beard of a celebrated thespian who was top of the line fare for a flea; but seeing that he could not hear above the hush of the audience and the telescopic view being quite unacceptable he made his way through the procession by hopping from head to head until he had gained the foremost seat in the cathedral. Of course he was so small and unimposing the Pope did not see him poised atop the king’s bald pate when he placed on the crown until after the deed was done. By this time it was too late to rectify the matter and the flea received the coronation first.
“By Jehovah the crown is mine,” Proclaimed the flea. “Kneel down before me my ambrosia’d subject,” He demanded of the deposed heir incumbent; and he bit the would-be king forthwith and with much gusto right on the top of his bald scalp.”
“Ouch!” cried out the unappreciative recipient and he slapped his hand to his wounded head in a most violent manner. This would have been a fitting end to this particular parable and the last we would have heard of the flea had not the Pope stayed the hand with his own.
“Hold thy temper, my liege. You cannot do harm to your king.”
“What sacrilege is this I hear,” Shouted the angered potentate. “It is I who am the king.”
“Not so. The flea has been made Monarch in your stead ‘by the grace of God’.”
“But such a blasphemy cannot be permitted. The flea is not of royal lineage.”
“Oh but you are mistaken for it carries the same blood as yours. It bit you did it not?”
“Mercy, it did at that,” confessed the king.
“Then you had better do as your newly appointed king demands of you and kneel before him.”
And so, the would-be king knelt down albeit reluctantly and bowed before the newly crowned flea. Forthwith the entire attending constituency followed suit by prostrating themselves to his new majesty, the flea. The flea in the meantime was swelling with a new born emotion. Call it exultation, call it confidence, call it pride, or call it ego, it was most unbecoming one of his stature.
“This is my Queen I presume,” Said the flea of the Arian goddess standing like stone nearby. “Come my dear; let us retire to our chamber for a nightcap.” He hopped onto her elbow and the brave lady paled but nonetheless retired with him. I affirm she was brave for what strength it must have required for a refined lady to associate with a flea.
Some while later as the sky turned to fire in the west the flea emerged to look out over his kingdom from the high balcony of his immodest castle. “There is justice in the world after all,” He shouted in a flea voice that carried not very far.
“All of my life I have been discriminated against and frowned on,” thought the flea to himself, for as you see he could not for that matter think it to anyone else now could he. “This day I have broken a new ground. I have achieved what no one thought my low class was capable of. I have gained an audience with the Pope and am crowned king by the grace of god. In effect I am the chosen one.”
“As a monarch I can do no wrong. Therefore I have decided it is time to level the playing field. I will do away with the classes. I will co-mingle all the blood in my kingdom until I am everyman.”
The flea called his royal guard to him and instructed them to parade a new citizen before him each hour and he would command that person kneel down obediently while he would bite him on the ear. In this fashion the flea was never without devotion, did not lack for variety in his diet, and could never be accused of being out of touch with his subjects.
Eventually however the flea had accounted for every citizen within his realm and as far beyond as his influence could extend. “Are there no more subjects,” He asked.
“No Sire. Only the pets of the households, the lambs in the fold, and the oxen of the field, among others.”
“Then have all the dumb animals brought before me,” He commanded. “I will become everything.”
“One after the other the flea bit all the animals of the kingdom on the ear; and so their blood mingled with that already coursing inside him and he became all things.”
“Not quite yet, your majesty,” Apprised a most observant advisor to his advisors. “Word has come to me that the elephant refuses to comply with your wishes.”
“Then have him bound in chains, marched throughout the kingdom, and flogged nonstop until he agrees. I must have full compliance if my dream is to be realized. Have him understand that noncompliance is not an option. I will become everything if it is the last thing I do.”
Therefore, by express orders of the king the elephant was bound in chains, marched throughout the kingdom, and flogged for days on end until its willpower began to falter and it burst into tears and agreed to abide by the kings edict.
“Why have you refused to do as I say,” Asked the king.
“I did it for your own good, your majesty.”
“Are you suggesting that you are wiser than your king who has assimilated 99.9999 percent all things?”
“Not in all matters, your majesty. But in this one instance.”
“Nonsense,” Said the king. “Kneel down to me that I might bite you on the ear.”
“But your majesty …”
“Silence! I’ll have no further insubordination from you. Do as I require or I’ll instruct a mouse to take up residence in your trunk.”
And so the elephant effused a big sob and knelt in a most subservient manner. But as it did so its enormous knee bore down onto the flea with such force that it burst.
Let this be a lesson to you good Christian; should the day arrive when you find yourself up to your eyeballs in cake realize your limits lest you bite off more than you can chew.
-iamTROLL
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