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It was another Christmas eve and st. nick was on his yearly run
half a million more homes to top and the night was almost done
the reindeer were filled with wudzel and the air was balmy sweet
as wudzel buds were sprouting all behind their prancing feet
when rudoph threw a reindeer shoe, striking prancer in the eye
who promptly stepped on donner's toe, who gave a painful cry
and all the team went toppling down as hooves and harness tangled
and was it not for santa's calm they'd all have gotten mangled
as it was, he brought them down crashing through the clumps
of high reaching blackgum, and tupelo, and elderberry stumps
with just a scratch here and there and a bruise on his shin
santa laughed " I couldn't have done a better job if I was to do it all again"
he climbed off his crippled sleigh and sank down in the mud
where he spoiled his boots with fermenting peat and alligator crud
"oh dear me," he cried aloud, "i've no idea where we be
at thirteen thousand feet above, my navigator bailed on me
he was clutching my umbrella and a sofa cushion seat
oh well, we'll see if he gets paid if ever again we meet"
right away he set to work attending to his deer
and quietly assessing the damage to his christmas gear
"how, dasher how, dancer how, prancer and vixen
how, comet how, cupid how, donner and blitzen"
the team was not badly injured, the soft mud had seen to that
but the sleigh was mired, and rudolph had a flat
and prancer was unfit to fly
what with his swollen eye
and the harness all in a mess
yep, they were stranded, good guess
and still they tried to free the sleigh, and try they did in vain
they pulled, they pushed, they used both brawn and brain
but no could do, they were too few
they could use another hand or two
when somewhere out in the darkness, they heard a loud, "halloo"
and another voice replied in kind, "it crashed hereabouts, i know
i seen it briefly a fallin' down, i heard it's engines scream
and then i felt the ground shake, as it run right out of steam
our neighbor, dubbleyoo, who was settin' up with his still
said, he seen a pale red light a storming 'cross the hill"
"he said it clocked at a hundred eighty knots, if it was movin' any at all
when a tiny little green martian jumped out in a parachute and began to slowly fall
the varmint landed in his corn field, and he fired on it with his gun
got some rocksalt in its britches, and put it on the run
he chased it up the mossy notch and down into a holler
where it crawled up in a gator's den, a place he could not foller
he's got his boys, and their lanterns, now a jabbing with their poles
and with some luck they'll flush him out, less'n a gator's done ate him whole
so look sharp boys, that space ship has crashed here abouts
and i'll be hanged if we let escape any of them martian louts"
now, such violent talk made santa cautious, and quick as a wink
he applied mud to rudolph's nose and cautioned him not to blink
the night was dark, quite dark indeed
and lucky for them they'd not been seed
"to think, me a martian, why that's a sillhilly notion"
then he pulled on a flask and drank a mite o' miss martha's soothing potion
"i'd better free these reindeer, and pray i make no mistake
i fear those good and simple folk would burn us at the stake"
he'd barely cut the tethers with his trusty barlowe knife
when a cold chill crept up his spine and he got fearful for his life
there arose the baying of bloodhounds, a ambling on the run
and a dozen hooded lanterns, each dangling on the barrel of a gun
"the dogs have got their smell, boys, shoot afore you see their eyes
and don't be fooled by martians, i hear they can change their guise"
now santa was no general, and he'd never fought in wars
but given what he had to do, he wisely chose his course
he leapt astride the nearest steed, or reindeer if you must
he grasped his sack, an antler, and rode for hell or bust
not away, no no not he, but straight into the fray
and the ballad of his exploit is sang about today
there were no shots fired, no, not on that night
it's one thing to talk battle, it's another to fight
what, with the pounding of hooves, and with the lantern's pale glow
you will now see what that posse saw, if you look just below
i do not know how he did it, but santa finished his run
he delivered every christmas present, every last one
unless you know different, and if by chance you do
you will excuse him for the hardship he's had to go through
astride a lame reindeer and no farriers to be found
he completed his chores, not by air, but by ground
the routine in ol' highnote, has gotten back to the same
once all those good folk were denied their sure fame
the vehicle they'd retrieved from the mire in the slough
was gone the next morning, by what means i dunno
as well, the little green-coated martian had got clean away
and the tabloids who'd purchased the story, refused to pay
but me, i gots me eight reindeer, and they can sure pull a plow
and i'm not going to part with them any time soon, now
"on, dasher on, dancer on, prancer and vixen
on, comet on, cupid on, donner and blitzen"
heave away, heave away, heave away, ho
soon as i get my presents, santa,
you can have them back though.
THE END
HAPPY
HOLIDAYS EVERYONE
(Many fond wishes for the new
year.)
George L. Avery
12/07/02
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