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Written By: The TROLL Brothers

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i was stirrin this calorie enriched concoction
with its assortment of expertly cubed protein chunks
what was simmerin in me cauldron one night
when my brother bert came lumbering into camp
wit this skinny gal woman throwed across his shoulder
[what s this] i says to bert
[why its my half o supper] replies bert
[not likely] i snips
[i dropped two fat friars and a portly politician in the sauce
an all you offer is a scrawny ittle oman
go beg your meals elsewhar
and leave me to mine dear brother]
[you don t see the whole picture] argues bert
[soup jes ain t soup without a pinch o salt
and this un is one salty dame
as proof by demonstration
i throwed her across my left shoulder
jus to ward off evil spirits
what might be inclined to follow me home]
[i acknowledge you are correct] i says
whilst diving my forefinger in the broth
as an investigative measure
[but what the soup needs is
a seasoned poet
to give it a richer more meaningful flavor]
[she s a reglar emily dickinson] asserts bert
[you don t say] i smile
[for certain] affirms he
[well then take that gag out o her mouth
and let s hear the oregano speak] i urge
he did but i wish now he hadn t
such violent and vulgar vowels
assaulted my earn
that i had to cover them both wit my hans
[she has a passion alright] i hollers at bert
so s to be heard above the din
[but a emily dickinson she ain t
not wit that oreful grammar]
[its them newfangled poets of today] bert yells back at me
[they feel they gotsa earthshake a fellars eardrums
jus to attract his attention and then
hopin he ll reel from the aftershocks]
[whal put the plug back in that smoking volcano bert
before she starts spouting lava
an go out and russle me up a polecat
to add in her place]
[what ll i do with her] asks bert
pointing to the redfaced wildcat
of a wee woman chile
tightly bound and gagged
but struggling angrily
wit a bit o burlap sack
jabbed betwixt her clenched teeth
[take her off somewhar and turn her loose
but be shore you blindfold her
so she cain t find her way back
and spoil our digestion]

some hours later
bert came back without a polecat
which didn t matter no how
cuz i d done et hours ago
and what little was left
was cold
bert was limpin painfully
and missing a front tooth
and three molars
and had one eye swollen shut
[what happened to you] i asked
[whal it was that skinny gal what done it
she swallered the gag and gnawed thru the ropes
and before i knowed it she d turned on me
and had me wrestled on the ground
and into a full nelson
she said she d be danged
if she was going to be replaced by a polecat
and demanded i bring her back here
jus to prove to you what a splendid addition
she d make to your soup
brother i d go hungry
before i d make you endure the bitterness
of that woman s wrath and i told her so
and she near twisted my leg off
till i d promised i d guide her back here to camp
but
once she d allowed me to my feet
i broke and run
still she like to of caught me
three times before she give up the chase
and i ain t all too sure she has]
[just to be safe we'd better move camp] i says
a feat we managed barely in the nick of time
fer as we moved away
we could hear her yelling from our delinquent campsite
such obscenities as would give a muleskinner malaria
we failed to make camp that night
for we kept moving
and to be totally truthful
we don t feel safe yet
bert s standin lookout
over on a nearby knoll tonight
and i am making do wit a cold camp
and hoping with time
she ll forget

~iamTroll †

.oeg © George Lewis Avery