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George Lewis Avery

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Way far back in the Age of Stone
When tools were made of rock and bone
In a cave in the hills of the Mountain of Snow
Lived a primitive man we shall call 'UH OH'
He was a huntsman, a herdsman, and a regular Joe

The commonest man whom ever was born
With a heel that was thicker than the bite of a thorn
With a mind more stubborn than the heart of a stone
He was a handsome fellow with low frontal bone
And I've often wondered why he lived all alone

While on the jagged cliffs overlooking the brae
He was eaten by a Brauntosaur while facing a tree
But the mighty beast slipped on a loose bit of snow
And plunged into the river 1000 feet below
The dinosaur died ... but not 'UH OH'

These primitive folk spoke in gutteral grunts
Rarely was heard more than one syllable at once
But 'UH OH' was a man of notorious fame
And wherever he ventured it was always the same
Others would greet him with the sound of his name

It was a harsh world in which he was living
The climate was cold and the fates unforgiving
He once had three friends with whom he would hang
"OHMI ... GOONESS ... and ... IBEDANG"
Whom were named as they were being eaten by a Catamarang

The short nature of his friendships was always the same
So he made it a point to take note of their names
Like the time he awakened a Wicked Wack in it's cave
While swiping the eggs from a Grapple Footed Gnave
His comrades were warriors, both fearless and brave

So he raced outside and sealed the mouth of the cave
Trapping that Wack in the cave of the Gnave
the first to perish was MERCI then LAWDI then GEEZ
then OPUN...and...THEEDO...then WEBEG...YU...and...PLEEZ
then finally...GOBBUL...KRUNCH...MUNCH...and WHEEZ

The last one was a fighter ...BURRRRRRP...was his name
He was the last to be eaten but the fellow was game
For he rattled the mountain as he fought with the Wack
Almost rolling the Large Stone free from it's track
'UH OH' was hard pressed to keep it held back

'UH OH' was saddened by the loss of his friends
But he wasn't surprised, for that seemed the trend
He left the large stone in the mouth of the cave
And laboriously chiseled their names on the grave
Along with that of the Wack and the Grapple Footed Gnave

Another time while searching for the eggs of the Dag
Who nested on a sheer cliff, in an uppermost crag
He lost a dear friend he'd scarce got to know
While he reached down to aid him he somehow let go
"OOPS" he greeted ... His friend replied "UH OOOOOOH"

It was the year of the birth of the Hundred Year Snow
The temperature had dropped to 90 below
He was fishing through the ice for the spike-tailed Krim
When he got the wild notion to go for a swim
And 'UH OH' was known to follow his whim

His fellow villagers found his clothing on the ice by the hole
And they throwed a big shindig that same evening I'm told
With feasting and dancing and all sorts of Wahoo
He was eulogized by such fellows as 'YEEHAW'...and...'YAHOO'
And the final toast of the night was given by the Chieftain ...'TOODALOO'

Not soon after his celebrated demise
The population of man was on the rise
And so you'll see, after some reflection
'Uh Oh' fell prey to Natural Selection
(It's Nature's way of maintaining direction)

And yet,
Found Frozen in an iceburg and meticulously thawn
Is a primitive man from the Age of Stone
I'm afraid he is dead, as you should know
But his DNA is intact, and that we can show
Could be used to clone another primitive 'UH OH'

.oeg © †